Deadlines

Although I no longer have to hit deadlines I still write against them. I try to post a blog each night before midnight but I rarely start writing before 10 or 1030 p.m.. Sometimes later.

And then I play a game of Spider Solitaire first and check for new emails. Then I look at the clock and I better think of something I want to say.

So tonight it's deadlines. I spent my career as a journalist meeting deadlines. First at a newspaper. Then at a wire service, where it was “Deadline Every Minute,” as was the title of a book by a former UPI executive. How true that was.

There was an apocryphal joke in the wire service where a beleaguered writer was being pressured to get a story on the wire. The writer messaged: “I'm working on it. I've only got two hands.” The boss is said to have replied: “Fire the crippled bastard!” We all got the point.

Subsequently, in radio and then in TV news the clock was the deadline. Now, in retirement, there are to-do lists but those items can always be put off a day or so. And if you never get to them, you don't get to them.

And no one knows the difference. (Except my wife, of course.)

Signing off at 11:50 p.m. (That was close.)

Life in the 80's

Here's another glimpse of life in the 80's.

We're sitting on the couch watching a TV program we had recorded. We can't quite make out what someone just said.

“Could you play that back, please,” my wife says. I've already hit the rewind button because I couldn't understand it either. Where would we be without the remote?

The best buttons are “mute” to silence the commercials, “fast forward” to zip through the commercials, and “rewind” to catch missed dialogue or to recover the part of the program you missed when you fell asleep.

Did I mention we rarely watch anything “live?” Well, maybe a baseball or football game and I've even taped those from time to time.

It's great to fast forward through a game. You keep your eye on the little scoreboard at the top corner of the screen and watch for the changes. Then you rewind to just before the score and catch the action. You can watch an entire game in minutes rather than hours.

And drink a few less beers in the process.

Hola, Amigos!*

As the GOP primary parade heads to South Carolina, surely it will stop at South of the Border, that venerable way station in Dillon, S.C., so familiar to auto travelers. And true to its tradition SOTB is getting ready for the newest addition to its Reptile Lagoon: The Six Slithering Candidates.

The Reptile lagoon is run by Pedro's cousin, Zurdo, who can't wait to meet and greet the longest running standup routine in Republican History. They say South Carolina politics is vicious. Wait'll this group meets up with the “amazing collection of snakes, alligators, crocodiles, turtles and other creepy crawlies,” in SOTB's new Reptile Lagoon.

The Reptile Lagoon already boasts an exotic collection of slithering snakes from all around the planet. A visit here is a must for any snake enthusiast (read political reporter.)

No reptile exhibit would be complete without some of the most deadly and dangerous venomous snakes known to man. (Fill in your own preference.)

Along with these treacherous creatures, we also have dozens of different beautiful and fascinating snake specimens (known as consultants).

Who will be the first of the fabulous six to wrestle the truth alligator? To look a deadly snake (opponent) in the eye and blink last?

Let the crocs loose. Ole!

(*Hyperbole freely lifted from South of the Border's website)

Bring Back The Smoke-Filled Room

I am so bored with the Republican primary fight. I miss the old-fashioned smoke-filled room, where political bosses got together and hand-picked a candidate and served him up to the convention for a coronation.

They weren’t always right, of course. But at least the public was spared months, if not years, of haggling by potential and not-so-potential presidential wannabes.

If nothing else, this current campaign points out the fallacy inherent in the so-called Fairness Doctrine in which the Federal Communications Commission dictates that all candidates be given equal time on the public airwaves.

Lacking the ability to use editorial judgment to include only those candidates news executives deem “serious” contenders, they are forced to put on those beauty pageant “debates” in which the participants pander to a niche audience.

Unless one candidate actually gets enough delegates to claim the nomination outright, my bet is that we may yet see the “Return of The Pols.”

Set up the drinks, boys, and get out the air freshener.

Sidewalk Shoppers

Like many suburban towns, our's collects white goods and other bulky items every other week. You put the stuff you don't want by the curb at night and the truck comes the next day and picks it up. That is, if it's still there.

You see, some people troll the streets the day before looking for stuff they might need or sell. In some cases, they see profit in someone else's “junk.”

Take our case, for instance. Years ago I bought an electric typewriter and a metal table to sit it on. I had barely used the typewriter when I bought my first PC. So much for the typewriter. Both typewriter and table ended up in the basement, collecting dust.

I could not “sell” either to my children or grandchildren. So there they languished until the flood from the 2011 Halloween snowstorm precipitated redoing the basement. These two items had to go.

A neighbor took the typewriter for her young children. All it needed was a new ribbon. That left us with the table.

We put the table on the curb several days ago along with two old wooden cabinets. Tomorrow is pickup day. I was sure some or all of it would be gone by then. I was partially right.

When we returned from dinner tonight the typewriter table was gone. Someone probably saw its value as scrap metal. But the cabinets remained. They'll be gone one way or another by the end of day tomorrow.

Unless another sidewalk shopper claims them first.

Super-PAC Me

I'd like my own Super PAC so I can buy a state. Any state. How much can a state cost?

I'm not running for anything but that shouldn't mean I can't raise tons of money to play with. Everyone else is doing it. It doesn't seem too hard.

You just have to find someone with lots of money who doesn't know what to do with it other than spend it to bother other people. I know a lot of people I could bother with that kind of dough.

Don't send the money to my home. Just let me know how much you have to contribute and I'll tell you where to spend it. Sound fair?

This could be great fun. Maybe even a game. Call it Super PAC-MAN. Dollar bills will chase candidates all over the board, gobbling them up until one is left standing.

That's your winner. If you don't like him you can select another board and play again

The game ends when you run out of money. Or get some more.

Maybe it never ends.

Time Off

I don't know if some company's still give you a day off on your birthday but I'm invoking that tradition for retirees as well.

So I'm taking today off. I had a wonderful birthday day with family members and took congratulatory phone calls from those who couldn't be with me. And my wife outdid herself in preparing fan favorites. Delicious.

Full time muddling will resume tomorrow.