"Bumpers"

Introducing: “Bumpers, The Game.”

Object: interdicting persons walking in public with eyes glued to their hand-held device, oblivious to passersby. Players get one point for delivering a glancing blow, two points for “jolting,” and three points for a chest-on collision that actually gets the device addict to look at you. Four bonus points if they apologize for bumping into you.

Amass as many points as you like without getting arrested for assault. Compare with friends, reward the high point gatherer as you see fit. A light beer or a glass of wine, perhaps.

For the offenders: “Bumpers Protective Gear”

Protects the oblivious user of a hand-held device from injury. Comes in Unisex sizes for indoor and outdoor use. Features padded shoulders to ward off glancing blows, heavy-duty arm-length padding for “jolts,” and full-body padding when anticipating chesties (recommended for crowded conditions, such as texting, tweeting, etc. while strolling Fifth Avenue during the holiday season.)

Available at any store that sells infant wear, which is appropriate for conduct unbecoming an adult.

Be careful out there. We're watching you.