Muddling Marv's Modified Seder 2011

This year we have decided to modify our Seder tomorrow night, eliminating some things that seem anachronistic and adding others to simplify the process.

1. We'll have a traditional Seder plate but since we all know what's on it and what the items represent, we'll go right to the wine blessing, the Kiddush.
2. We're out of young children to pass around a water pitcher for “the men” to wash their hands. Instead, we'll give each participant (that means women, too) a damp cloth to symbolically wash.
3. Potatoes symbolizing a green vegetable will be on plates at each end of the table with a dish of salt water next to them for individual dipping as we recite the appropriate blessing. This eliminates the host having to balance a slice of potato on a fork and pass one around to each participant.
4. We will break the middle matzoh, the famed “Afikomen”, and put it aside. But since no child has “stolen” it for years we'll just have it for dessert. Saves me some ransom, too.
5. Then my older son, a father of four who relishes reading this portion, will recite the traditional “Lo, this is the bread of affliction,” etc.
6. Because there are no really young children at the table we will bypass the four questions since all those present know the answers.
7. In accordance with gender neutrality we will mention the four “children” rather than the four “sons”, since females are as likely to be wicked, wise, simple but forever young.
8. No Seder would be complete without reciting the 10 plagues and diminishing our wine glasses in remembrance of the Egyptian losses. No finger-licking, please.
9. We will skip the second washing of the hands, symbolically or otherwise, and go right to distributing the matzoh and saying the blessing thereof.
10. Followed by the Moror and Charoses, plus blessing.
11. And the horseradish sandwich, with blessing.
12. Followed by the hard-boiled eggs (dipping in salt water optional). No blessing.
13. Followed by dinner, featuring Grandma's traditional chicken soup with matzoh balls, brisket, chicken cutlets, Caroline's sweet matzoh pudding, fruits and delicious desserts.
14. After dinner we will open the door for Elijah the prophet to come in and sip from the cup set aside for him. We will debate whether he has sipped or not.
15. We conclude our Seder with a final sip of wine and recite the plea of our ancestors: “Next Year in Jerusalem.”

Happy Passover!