Titles For You

Here's the thing: I create titles I like but never write the stories or books to go with them. So I'm giving you the opportunity of a lifetime. Take any one of my titles and do what you will with it.

Of course, you don't have to do anything. You may even snicker that a grown man could come up with such ideas. But that's me. And I'm going to give them to you one at a time.

Today's title is: “The Ego Pit.” It's the story of a TV News operation at station WEGO-TV. You can set the station anywhere you please. The main characters will be the same. Having worked in news management for many years I know the material is there.

You will have an anchor man or woman or both who just know they belong in a larger market. Or if they're already in a large market, then certainly they deem themselves worthy of a network slot.

Then there are the supporting characters who also aspire to greater glory in TV land. Pity no one ever tells them they've gone as far as they ever will.

You, as well as I, can probably think of many worthy fictions that have already explored the TV news environment, but I like my title. I offer it to any enterprising writer who might want to take up the challenge of fitting characters around the egos that abound in a TV newsroom.

I'm sad as hell and I'm not going to write about it anymore.

Next: “The Brisket Crisis.”

My Alternate Universe

I like science fiction. I particularly like the TV show “Fringe.” In case you haven't seen it they're dealing with alternate universes that mirror each other but years apart.

I started thinking lately about the concept of alternate universes right here and now. I'm beginning to think that aging puts you squarely in an alternate universe.

Examples:

You can’t, or don't want to keep up with the latest wiz-bang technology.
The advertising industry ignores you. (Exceptions: Pharmaceuticals)
Movies are aimed at teen-agers.
TV shows are only aimed at the 18-34 age group.

Even AARP is trending younger, celebrating anyone over 50 or even 60 who is still attractive and active. Hel-lo!

So you know what? It's OK. I'm “down” with that. (I heard that expression on one of those trendy young people's shows. I think it means "good.")

In my universe we remember dial phones without area codes and our old home and business phone numbers. Nickel subway rides, 55-cent bleacher seats and no zip codes.

Some might call that nostalgia. Not that anything's wrong with that. (Thank you, Jerry Seinfeld.)

Meantime, we have to live in this universe. We're doing the best we can and trying to enjoy the ride as long as it lasts. After all, there are no round-trip tickets.

PS: You didn't miss last night's blog, I took the night off.

Is it me, or...

Microsoft, which once again sent me a pop-up message that my “trial” version of Office is about to expire. This, after I previously went through the process of purchasing and installing Office 2010.

So I did it once again and I hope this will be the end of it. To be safe, however, I now keep my purchase order and Product Key by my side whenever I open this laptop. You can't be too confident.

I started this blog out of frustration with the dazzling pace of new technology, some of which I embrace but most of which is beyond me. The fact is, I'm too old for it. My son and grandchildren are of the tech generation and bless them for that.

I still prefer a phone call (land line or cell) to a text message or email. Bottom line, however, I'll take any kind of communication from them any way I can get it. Amen, says my wife.

I just don't want to hear from Microsoft again. It's becoming a trial.

A Challenge

Here's a challenge for all you techies out there:

Develop an app containing ready-to-use excuses for failure. Ideal for pols losing nominations or elections. Or just plain dropping out. I call it the iQuit app.

Download it to any smart phone or iDevice and off you go to retirement. Example: The dog ate my delegates.

Of course, you could expand iQuit to offer home-spun excuses for all sorts of missed opportunities, i.e., “It's not my time,” “I'm not ready for this,” “I never wanted to be an accountant anyway.”

Consultants could research the iQuit app for the most convincing statement their candidate could use to gracefully exit the stage and still be credible. Good luck with that.

Then, I'd ask a Mark Zuckerberg type to develop a Save-Your-Facebook (SYFb) site for the dropouts. There, the candidate could expound at great length why his/her party and the nation missed out on nominating and/or electing such a worthy individual.

On the other hand, reading the “likes” and “comments”on his/her SYFb site might be daunting.

iHope there’s a programmer out there willing to take a crack at this.

No excuses, now.

Thirsty?

We just watched the first segment of the Ken Burns documentary on Prohibition, which I had DVR'd. We'll watch the other two segments when we can. It's interesting but also instructive. As some reviewers have pointed out, there’s a lot of relevance in it to today's political atmosphere.

In part one we saw what can happen when one-issue zealots contaminate the political process, forcing a constitutional amendment banning beer and liquor sales for consumer consumption. We know how well that turned out.

But since this is essentially a non-political blog I won't take that any further. See the documentary and draw your own conclusions.

Come to think of it, there was a time when we were personally affected by the Dry movement. While I was in the Army, we lived in a small Texas town that was dry. We had to drive across the county line to buy beer. (Fortunately it wasn't too far.)

We didn't think anything of it at the time but now I realize it was a leftover of the Prohibition era. For all I know, that town is still dry.

Who knew we were living in a part of history?

Shredding

We're doing a lot of shredding and shedding these days. Shredding old files, old tax returns, old bank statements, and junking a lot of old vacation pamphlets, maps, tour books, etc.

Why now? The tropical storms and heavy rains of late summer sent us to the basement to check for water. We were lucky to have only a minor incident down there. But it got us thinking that if we ever had a real water problem what would we need to save.

The answer was: nothing. So why is all that paper cluttering up the filing cabinet and storage boxes down there. Inertia, indifference, indolence or just plain disinterest. Maybe I thought that stuff would make good material for a book, a memoir or even fiction. Not a chance.

So little by little we are carting the papers to the shredder in my office and filling sacks with the remnants. I get to choose which papers must go (all of them) and which should stay (none). She gets to shred and I get to clean out the shredder to get it ready for the next batch.

It is a cleansing experience.