Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Trumpelstiltskin

He may not be able to spin straw into gold but he sure can spin his way into the Republican presidential picture.

His resemblance to the imp in the famous Grimm fairy tale is remarkable. He has the same golden locks of the miller’s daughter in the original. But all he is spinning now is his own fairy tale.

Yet, like children, many are enchanted.  He can promise anything but really doesn’t have to deliver anything other than a rousing call to arms to his growing number of believers.

Will he self-destruct like his namesake when the name “Trumpelstiltskin” is proclaimed to the world? 

Peeking ahead, I’m guessing his pique will peak at unprecedented heights. 

Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Ministry of Trump

It’s not too early for President-elect Trump to start thinking about his cabinet.

With Vice President Carson safely tucked into obscurity, Pres. Trump picks his dream team:

Secretary of Hate: Ted Cruz
Secretary of Indefensible: Marco Rubio
Secretary of Bluster: Chris Christie
Secretary of Indifference: Jeb Bush
Secretary of Hair: Rand Paul
Secretary of Boredom: Mike Huckabee
Secretary of Whats-His-Name:John Kasich
And Secretary of Blunders: Carly Fiorina

The all-Republican Senate confirms everyone unanimously. No Democrat in his right mind would participate in a government like that.

Proving once again you get what you don’t vote for. 

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The Front-Runner

Here’s a thought: Is it possible Donald Trump polls so high among republican primary voters because the rest of the field is so, shall we say, tepid?

That’s a fairly mild word to describe Trump’s competition. A more partisan observer might use stronger language in assessing the feckless field. I’d like to disassociate myself from that scrum.

Trump is a phenomenon. The media is captivated by him. Cable comics are having a field day with his candidacy. He is as entertaining as he is ridiculous. Yet he is prevailing in the polls.

He is the star of his own political reality show and everyone else is his supporting cast.

At this time of year, baseball honors its best with “Most Valuable Player” awards. Trump gets my vote for “Kooky of The Year.”

No competition. 

Trying

I’m trying; really, I’m trying to get the hang of modern technology. I like my smart phone but some things I just can’t figure out.

For instance, we recently received photos of our Israeli great-granddaughters lighting Hanukkah candles. Very cute. I wanted to save them on my smart phone but I can’t figure out how to do it.

Later that same day one of my other Israeli granddaughters (we have six) sent us via WhatsApp a series of pictures of her kids also lighting Hanukkah candles. As a bonus, we also saw pictures of our youngest great-granddaughter and her mother.

These photos were saved automatically on the phone. In fact, through some mysterious alchemy this batch was saved twice.

We were so excited to get the pictures we called Israel to thank them. While talking, we mentioned the remodeling we did to our house (new roof and siding and a portico over the front door).

My wife had me go outside and take pictures of the new look and, with some long-distance prompting from my granddaughter, I WhatsApp’d them to her. She commented on our new look while we were still on the phone.

Technology can be wonderful and frustrating at the same time.

But I’m still trying. 

Sunday, November 29, 2015

The Search for Incandescent Light In An LED World


I don’t like the new bulbs. You know, the LED types that start slowly and supposedly last forever. I’m not going to last forever so I don't need a bulb that lasts that long.

Whatever: here’s the story;

A workman replacing the roof over my office dropped something that sounded like an explosion and scared the wits out of me. What’s more, it blew out the two high-hat bulbs that light my office. They were good old incandescent bulbs that glowed immediately with 120 watts of nice clear light as soon as I turned them on.

So I set out to replace them. Good luck with that. Home Depot had none. Amazon had none. My favorite hardware store laughed at me when I asked if they had any similar bulbs. They blamed politicians who insisted we must have Eco-friendly light bulbs.

As a last resort, I tried ShopRite. All they had were LEDs offering 90watts. The price was right so I bought three. They came in hermetically-sealed plastic cases. I cut one open and the bulb popped out onto my kitchen counter and shattered. I returned all three today.

I think I’m as Eco-friendly as the next guy but is it too much to ask for a simple light bulb that goes on when you flip the switch and lasts a reasonable, not eternal, amount of time?

Call me retro but I’m still looking for my incandescent bulbs.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Becoming Murray Kimler

Murray Kimler owned the beauty parlor next to my father's tailor shop in the Bronx. He was a very nice man and very accommodating.

In the summer of 1948 our two families rented houses in Long Beach, Long Island. I was too young to drive then and once in a while Murray gave me a lift to the beach. It was nice of him but torture for me because Murray drove in the right lane of the Grand Central Parkway at exactly 35 miles an hour. That was the the speed limit, of course, and, just as now no one drove at the speed limit, except Murray.

Back then my father cruised that highway at about 50 miles an hour along with the other traffic. So sitting alongside Murray driving to Long Beach was gut-wrenching. I still remember those drives when today 65 is the new 35. (Today's drivers would thank heaven if they could go 35 mph on the Grand Central.)

I'm telling you this because recently my wife and I were driving locally when she asked me if I was doing a “Murray.” She was right. I was dawdling along in the right lane as traffic zipped by.


Jolted to the present, I started driving normally while giving a mental shout out to the late, if not very late, Murray Kimler.  

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Trump This!

It's not too early to start thinking of the 2020 election.

As President Trump looks over the west portico of Trump House, as he has renamed the White House, he ponders a run for a second term.

The thing is, he spent one fortune winning in 2016; can he afford another fortune to finance a campaign to remain in office? Did he convince the Republicans they should finally back him, or do they still think Jeb Bush is electable?

It's a sure bet the Democrats have given up on Hillary so there's no strong contender against him.

On the other hand, Vice President Carson has done an excellent job keeping out of the spotlight the last four years. But he still thinks he deserves a shot at the top job. He's already sent out feelers to his supporters pledging to replace the gold “Trump House” billboard with a silver caduceus, symbolic of his healing powers.

Will the brain surgeon supplant the brainless? America awaits.



Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Where the hell is it?

I spent about 30 minutes this afternoon looking for a receipt I had in  my hand when I walked into the kitchen. But suddenly it wasn't there.

That's ridiculous, I thought, It has to be here. Where did it go? What's the big deal, you ask.

Here's the back story: the receipt was from our supermarket and it should have shown we had reached the purchase threshold that entitled us to a free turkey for Thanksgiving. But when we checked out the total was further from the threshold than when we started.

Not possible. So we went to customer service and the attendant looked up our account. She said we had been credited with a return of $160 TODAY in a branch store more than 90 miles south.

This called for a chat with the manager. He was very nice and explained that all to often people who don't have a store card use a phone number to verify their account. Unfortunately, today someone chose to use ours. The manager also said this was not uncommon. He gave us credit for the turkey and, at his suggestion, we changed the phone number associated with our account.

As a courtesy, I called the store that refunded someone $160 and told him they used a false phone number. The manager gave me what I interpreted as a verbal shrug, saying, "it happens."

So that explains my anxiety about the receipt, which we finally found. And the free turkey is heading for a food bank.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, except the phone number thief.


Saturday, November 7, 2015

Stay Tuned

I'm thinking of coming back after a hiatus of almost two years.

How's that for a writer's block. But I'm not there yet. 

My target date is the first of the year, assuming I can get a keyboard that won't run all my words together. The keyboard problem was a comedy of errors, mostly mine so I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say I'm in the market for either a satellite keyboard or a new machine altogether. 

Anything for the sake of art.

Bye for now.