Marvin Doesn’t Eat Lox

I don’t like lox. This simple statement frequently bewilders my Jewish brethren.

You don’t like lox?

How come you don’t eat lox?

Are you sure you’re Jewish?

Yes, I’m Jewish but sorry, folks, I don’t like or eat lox.I also don’t like or eat tuna fish, whitefish, herring (in or out of cream sauce) or smoked fish of any kind.

Growing up in The Bronx those dishes were Saturday night and Sunday morning staples at our kitchen table. We used the living/dining room in our apartment only for Passover Seders and Thanksgiving dinners.

My father had a cleaning/tailoring store around the corner and when he closed on Saturday night he relished his shot of schnapps and his supper of the above-mentioned delicacies which I avoided with the help of my mother. I was very happy with her scrambled eggs.

It wasn’t until adulthood and we began socializing that my anti-establishment food tastes came into question. It usually started with the tuna fish issue. Everyone eats tuna fish, I was told over and over. Not me, I said, I don’t like the smell and I don’t like the taste.

I was urged to try it countless times and, in fairness, I sometimes did. Sorry, don’t like it. After a while enough people came to understand I really, really don’t like tuna fish and left me alone.

Full disclosure: my wife loves lox, frequently buys it and enjoys lox-and-eggs with or without a bagel. She also loves tuna fish but tolerates my aversion to it. She does not buy the smoked fishes. She tried them in the past but finds them too salty now.

I zip past the fish dishes featured regularly at most Jewish buffets and cruise the line looking for something I can eat. If there are carving stations, I’ll try one or two meats. If it’s a morning or afternoon affair, I look for the egg salad. The Saturday morning Kiddush at my shul serves a very good egg salad. The Challah also is delicious.

So, you see, friends, you don’t have to worry about me. I won’t starve.

I keep the faith my way.