The Man With the Bad Toupee

He was walking on the treadmill next to my wife at our gym yesterday and she had to tell me about him when she got home. He was a pleasant conversationalist as they walked and talked, but she couldn’t help staring at his toupee.

She tried to describe him to me when she got home, but all I got was “this man had a really bad toupee.” Although I had never seen him before, when I spotted him this morning I knew right away he was the man with the bad toupee.

He was a gentleman of a certain age, of medium height and somewhat on the portly side. His toupee was silver gray and swept forward to a point on his forehead. It covered his thinning hair but it's slicked condition gave it a pasted-on look. The point was like an arrowhead aimed at his nose.

He was wearing typical gym clothes, shorts and a tee shirt and was working hard on the resistance machines. His head was covered with light perspiration but the toupee was firmly in place. As it should be, I suppose.

I'm sure many men have toupee's for various reasons. “Not that there's anything wrong with that.” But, guys, you owe it to yourselves to look as natural as possible. Otherwise you're fair game for indiscriminate bloggers.

(Full disclosure: I'm bald in the middle with some hair on either side but I never thought about getting a toupee. Years ago, when I was given the ingenue’s role in an amateur stage production, the director sent me to a hair dresser for a hair piece to cover the bald spot. Instead, he gave me a comb-over which-worked for the two-day production but created much amusement afterward. I kept it for a few years and then reverted to a crew, which I still have.)

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